Worth It?
by Fortunas.Wheel
Summary: 1 year after the S3 finale. Casey's surgery was a success and he and Jane have been together for 6 months. Angst. TW: Abuse.


It had been so easy then. They had been the perfect combination – well, _near_ perfect. Maura Isles knew perfection was statistically impossible. And yet, for every case, they had an answer. For every life event, they'd had support. For every evening that should have been spent alone, they'd had each other.

And then the shift happened.

"_Maur," Jane said, turning around after she'd hung up the phone. "He's gonna be okay."_

_Jane was clearly trying to restrain the excitement in her voice, but her eyes gave it all away. They were shining, and the threat of her meibomian glands causing tears to fall was imminent. _

_Maura stepped forward with a smile and placed both of her hands on Jane's shoulders. "That is wonderful news, Jane."_

_Objectively speaking, that was the truth. People would agree that an individual making it through a complicated surgery successfully would be wonderful news. Subjectively, that statement would have been false. But Maura didn't think about the feeling that had sunk into the pit of her stomach. If she had, she would have broken out into hives. _

Now, Maura looked at Jane from across her office and barely recognized the detective standing before her.

"_My God, Maur. He's driving me crazy!" Jane huffed as she sat down on the couch. The popcorn bowl that had been next to Maura tilted over with the added weight to the cushion, and she began to pick the pieces off of the couch while Jane settled in. "It's been two months since his surgery! Why won't he let me see him yet?"_

"_His body suffered through a series of very traumatic events," Maura said matter-of-factly as she placed the spilled popcorn in a little pile on her coffee table. "He's probably focusing on getting himself back to form before he can worry about establishing a relationship with you."_

"_I just don't understand why he won't let me help him get better," Jane whined. _

_Jane had always whined. It had been one of the first things that endeared the detective to the medical examiner. There she was, a grown woman full of accolades in a stereotypically male profession, and yet she wasn't above whining when her mother called her five times in a row. But the whining before had been different. It was more for show than anything, a way for Jane to express her annoyance while also showing that she did care about the subject matter, no matter how inconvenient. _

_The whining now was shriller. It sounded like a little girl desperate for attention. It was needy, despondent, pathetic. It lacked all self-respect. And it was constant._

"_Give him time, Jane," Maura answered calmly. "He'll come around."_

"_Yeah, well he better. Otherwise, I'm gonna take a hint from this Karyn Heggle chick and just handcuff him to me." Jane joked._

"_Katherine Heigl," Maura corrected._

"_Whatever," Jane replied. "Now pass the popcorn, will you?"_

"Cause of death?" Jane asked. There was no warmth in her voice, only cool professionalism. If there were a way to qualify the coldness of Jane's voice, Maura wondered if it would beat the iciness of the morgue. Not that there would be a way to determine that. Maura internally scolded herself for even thinking of something so impractical.

"Asphyxiation," Maura replied with an equal level of reserve. "The gunshot wounds to the torso occurred approximately one hour post-mortem."

"Why would the perp wait an hour to shoot a dead body?" Jane mused out loud, letting Maura into her thoughts for the first time in months.

Before, Maura would have given Jane a plethora of possible reasons. A cover-up, an outburst of anger or regret, perhaps a ritual. But now she stayed silent, believing her answers were no longer acceptable to Detective Rizzoli.

"Really?" Jane said, after a beat.

Maura looked up, catching the detective's eyes for the first time that morning. In fact, it was the first time in four days, six hours, and approximately forty-five minutes. The last time had been Monday morning when their eyes accidentally met as Maura walked into the station while Jane walked out. Before that, it had been almost two weeks.

"Really what, Detective?"

"You don't have some list of reasons ready to spout off?" Jane retorted, a smile tugging at her lips.

This was dangerous territory. How could Jane possibly want Maura to respond? The medical examiner remained silent, searching Jane's face for some indication of what she wanted.

"Jane," Maura began slowly, trying to hide the alarm that was bubbling inside of her. "I don't mean to pry, but is that a bruise?"

"_So then Ma went into to help 'cause she heard Frankie hollerin', only for her to get sprayed too!" Maura smiled at the end of Jane's story, neglecting to mention that she had already heard the account earlier from Angela. _

"_That is still typical for TJ's age," Maura replied as Jane wiped the tears of laughter that had formed on the sides of her eyes. "Seven month olds urinate all the time. I don't know why Frankie wouldn't have anticipated that."_

"_Let's just call it karma for all the times he did that to Ma and leave it at that," Jane said. "I need another beer. How you doin' on wine?"_

_Maura looked at her nearly empty glass. Right now, she could still make it home. If she agreed to another glass, she knew she'd end up staying the night. Maura suspected Jane knew this as well. _

"_I'll have one more, thank you," Maura said as she handed Jane her glass. Jane shot her a knowing smile and stood up, making her way to the kitchen. _

"_So what do you think," Jane called from the kitchen. "We gonna actually have a weekend where we don't get called in?"_

"_I hope so," Maura replied._

_Jane came back to the couch and handed Maura her newly refilled glass. Merlot. The brand Maura knew Jane kept in her apartment only for her. "If we are lucky enough, we should check out that farmer's market you've been dying to see tomorrow morning."_

"_That would be wonderful, Jane," Maura exclaimed._

_Before Jane had a chance to reply, there was a knocking at the door. "What in the hell?" Jane muttered as she stood back up. Maura could see her reaching for the drawer that held her gun as she neared the door, but once she looked out of the peephole, Jane's hands stopped reaching and instead she stood up straight. _

"_Casey?" Jane asked as she opened the door. _

"_Jane," he replied. "Can we talk?"_

"_Uhh," Jane began, turning around to look at Maura. _

"_Oh, I'm interrupting. Pardon me, I'm-" Casey hesitated. "Sorry." _

_Casey whispered the last words so softly that Maura almost didn't hear them. She didn't need to though. The way Jane's body hunched over at Casey's words gave what he had said away. Maura knew Jane had been waiting six months to hear that word. _Sorry._ Six months to see that man standing before her with that word on his lips._

"_No, no," Jane rushed out, "Maura was just leaving, weren't you, Maur?"_

_Maura couldn't reply with a yes, but instead stood and straightened out her dress. She grabbed her coat and purse off of the chair next to her and walked towards the door. _

"_I'll call you tomorrow," she said as she passed by Jane and Casey, who had let himself into the apartment in the five seconds it took her to gather her things. As she walked out the door without a reply from Jane, Maura had the sinking feeling that her best friend hadn't even heard her. _

"What?" Jane replied dumbly, seemingly caught off-guard by the question.

"I asked if that was a bruise on your left eye," Maura repeated as she failed to hide the concern crossing her face.

"What the hell kind of a question is that?" Jane retorted. Her nostrils flared slightly and her eyebrows furrowed in.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried," Maura recoiled. Jane's reaction told Maura she was right. That was a hematoma, and that was poorly applied makeup failing to cover it. But it also told her that she was unwelcomed to comment on it. She was no longer allowed to care for Jane's well-being.

Jane seemed to be on the verge of saying something else, but stopped herself. "Just send me the report when you've got it, Dr. Isles."

"Certainly," Maura replied. She knew a heart couldn't physically break, but in that moment, the fracture she'd felt building for months shattered.

She was able to keep herself standing behind her desk only until Jane had walked out the door. After that, Maura fell into a heaving mess upon her desk chair. The sobs that had been threatening to break through finally did.

"_Jane?" Maura asked hesitantly. She felt awkward in the bullpen, as though she was invading Jane's space somehow. _

"_What's up, Maur?" Jane replied without even looking up from her file._

"_I don't mean to-" Maura stopped herself, "Can we go talk somewhere?"_

"_I'm kinda swamped here," Jane said, finally looking up. "What's this about?"_

"_It's just- Did I do something wrong? I haven't seen you outside of the office in two months, you only return my calls if it's work-related, and I just-" Maura took a deep breath, "I just want to make sure that everything is okay between us."_

_Jane's eyes softened immediately. "Maur, everything is fine," She said, rubbing Maura's forearm from where she sat. "I've just been swamped lately. Between Casey and this Gillespie murder, there just isn't enough time in the day. Once we crack it though, I swear we'll have some us time."_

"_Of course," Maura said, "I was just being silly."_

_Jane gave her a sad smile and dropped her hand. "I'm gonna get back to this. But we'll get together soon, I promise."_

"Dr. Isles, I'm leaving for the night. Do you need anything else?"

"No, Suzie. Thank you," Maura shooed her away without turning around in her chair. She surmised that her makeup was a mess of black mascara streaming down her face.

Once Maura heard the lab assistant leave, she began the process of putting herself back together.

"_I don't know what has gotten into Jane lately," Angela said as she rolled another gnocchi for Sunday night dinner. "I can barely get her to answer her phone, let alone show up for family dinner!"_

"_I imagine she's quite preoccupied with Casey," Maura replied. "Their romance is still quite new."_

"_Quite new my ass," Angela replied. "They've been together five months. It's time to get over the honeymoon."_

"_Yes, but Jane seems quite smitten with him."_

"_You imagine. Jane seems," Angela repeated. "Maura, how do you not know these things? Have you not spoken to Jane lately?"_

"_Not about anything unrelated to work," Maura replied._

_Angela stopped kneading the dough and seemed to take in the words slowly, as if internally deciding how to proceed. Maura held her breath, expecting the worse. Angela was going to say what Maura already knew was the dreadful truth. _Janie doesn't want you anymore._ And Maura would nod and accept it. _

"_I know my daughter can be a knucklehead sometimes," Angela finally replied, "but no matter what is going on with you two girls, you will always be part of my family too."_

"_Thank you, Angela," Maura said with a small smile. She knew Angela's words were meant to be reassuring, and in a way they were. Jane hadn't confided in her mother why she was ignoring Maura. There was some hope. But there was also sadness. Being a part of the Rizzoli clan was hollow without Jane's constant presence. It was like having a home, but no furniture to put in it. _

Maura made her way up to the bullpen for the first time in months without Detective Frost or Korsak in tow. It was late at the precinct, and most everyone had gone home, but Maura hoped Jane would still be there.

She wasn't. Her desk was empty in the middle of the room, a greasy box sitting on the corner of her desk. _Gino's_, the label said. Of course. Jane may be able to forget about Maura, but she would never be able to forget about her love of baked goods.

"_Alright, I think we're good here." Jane said as she closed her notepad. "Thank you, Dr. Isles."_

_There was no banter, no lightness. Her words were clinical, and sounded as though Jane had only ever said them. 'Maura' would have been a foreign word on Detective Rizzoli's tongue. There was no Maura anymore. _

_Frost looked confused for a moment as Jane walked out of the morgue. With an apologetic shrug, he followed his partner out. _

_That was the moment Maura knew things had changed with no hope for return. The small reassurance she had felt from Angela just the night before dissipated. Maura felt herself retreating inwardly. If Jane needed her to be nothing more than the medical examiner, the medical examiner she would be. _

The sounds of quick footsteps came up behind Maura, and her hair stood on edge with a feeling like she shouldn't be there. Then, as quickly as the footsteps came up, they stopped.

"What are you doing here?" Jane asked from behind.

Maura turned around and looked at the detective, truly assessing her in a way she hadn't dared earlier.

"Has he broken anything yet?" She asked simply.

"Maura," Jane's voice warned.

"From the way you're standing, I can see that there has been injury to your right hip. It also appears that makeup will stop hiding the bruises around your neck if you don't reapply frequently enough. Should I even speculate what your torso looks like or will it make me feel ill?" Maura said clinically, but firmly.

"I don't have to deal with this," Jane said. She took a few steps forward, and grabbed the pastry box from off her desk, wincing slightly as she leaned around Maura. The detective turned and began to walk away.

"Jane," Maura pleaded, "Just look at me. Please."

"I can't, Maur. If I'm not home soon-" Jane froze, as if catching herself. "I just can't. I'll see you later, okay?"

As Maura watched Jane walk away, she wondered if the Jane Rizzoli she had known was even in there anymore.

"Goodbye, Jane," she whispered.


End file.
